DEPRESSION DESTROYS THE ABILITY TO FEEL PLEASURE
Every 30 second one person dies due to DEPRESSION. It is one of the most misunderstood illness /disease in the world. About 36% of the world population is affected by this mental disorder. It is a major cause of suffering and anguish , yet we tend to take it lightly.
I am Nitin and I am suffering from BIPOLAR DISORDER. This causes me to fight depression frequently. I want to share with you my feelings during these episodes.
- 1. It is so painful that I am NUMBED.
2. It feels like falling endlessly into an abyss.
3. I do not feel like doing anything. Getting up from the bed , having a bath, even having food or conversation becomes an uphill effort.
4. There seems to be a lurking fear. Fear leads to a torturous ANXIETY. It is a sensation of being afraid all the time without knowing what you are afraid of.
5. Depression makes me suicidal. The only thought that saves is my concern about others who loves me
Now I have realised that there are set of symptoms I have to look for to know that the depression phase is starting or has started.
These symptoms are as follows :
- 1. Sadness / emptiness .
2. Guilt/worthlessness /hopelessness.
3. Anger / irritability .
4. Restlessness .
5. Poor concentration .
6. Fatigue .
7. Appetite loss.
8. Imaginary pains.
9. Isolation .
10. Thoughts of death / suicide .
11. Gastrointestinal disorders.
12. Sleep disorders ( excess or less )
Allow me to explain to you how I have learned to distinguish between
Grief is a condition in which I remain unhappy for sometime, but tend to improve over a period of time. It resolves itself.
Sadness is a human emotion which is an essential part of life. It helps us to appreciate happiness, I suppose.
I get to know that I have entered a phase of depression when the grief does not HEAL by itself . It keeps on making me fearful ( of the future ). Or it makes me more and more resentful ( of the past ). Then one by one I start getting all the symptoms listed above .
WITHOUT loosing time I speak to my wife and the doctor. I have realised that it is an illness, and i need not feel it to be a taboo or weakness or lack of will power. For me medicine and therapies work wonders.
I have realised that people like me don't have an adaptive mood which makes most others resilient to SADNESS. I have also accepted that the root of my disorder lies in my genetics and environment.